To The Lassies
WHEN considering a TOAST to the FAIRER sex
we LADDIES find ourselves QUITE perplexed
How best to SHOW how much we CARE?
How BEST to praise our lassies, FAIR?
With their grace, charm, beauty and all the REST
‘tis difficult to KNOW which parts are BEST
Their lovely CURVES? Their enchanting CALL?
When we FINALLY leave the MALL?
HOW could I be so CRASS?
Of COURSE, my dears, we LOVE to pass
the TIME with you HOWEVER you choose
EVEN watching you try on SHOES
Surely ONE of their greatest FEATURES
is their CARING for wee CREATURES
BAIRNS, some call them, children, AYE;
don’t leave their WELFARE to a GUY
We’d raise a GENERATION of USELESS ASSES
LET’S leave the REARING to the LASSES
The tender TOUCH and firm DIRECTION
NURTURING hands and FIERCE protection
they PROVIDE is matchless, TRUE
LASSIES; we’re just glad it’s YOU
NOW perhaps the lasses’ greatest FACET:
a delightsome, fine and splendid ASSET
The LASSES provide wealth BEYOND measure
GIFTS not measured in jewels or TREASURE
Now, HOW to describe it and not to seem RUDE?
Oh I’ll just say it: WE LOVE YOUR FOOD!
Our stomachs aren’t the ONLY place they TOUCH
In FACT, there’s NOTHING we like as MUCH
The lassie’s CARESS leaves us SO bewitched
that SCARCELY we notice, (until we’re HITCHED)
that there ARE a few MINOR QUIRKS
but we’d RATHER NOT be seen as JERKS
So, IF there ARE some faults to SEE
we’re SURE they’re OURS; and THUSLY we
will PASS them off; and REMAIN in THRALL
to our AGELESS BEAUTIES, ONE and ALL
Gentlemen, please rise… TO THE LASSIES!
-Dan Hill
Utah Scottish Association & Utah State University
2009 Robert Burns Supper
WHEN considering a TOAST to the FAIRER sex
we LADDIES find ourselves QUITE perplexed
How best to SHOW how much we CARE?
How BEST to praise our lassies, FAIR?
With their grace, charm, beauty and all the REST
‘tis difficult to KNOW which parts are BEST
Their lovely CURVES? Their enchanting CALL?
When we FINALLY leave the MALL?
HOW could I be so CRASS?
Of COURSE, my dears, we LOVE to pass
the TIME with you HOWEVER you choose
EVEN watching you try on SHOES
Surely ONE of their greatest FEATURES
is their CARING for wee CREATURES
BAIRNS, some call them, children, AYE;
don’t leave their WELFARE to a GUY
We’d raise a GENERATION of USELESS ASSES
LET’S leave the REARING to the LASSES
The tender TOUCH and firm DIRECTION
NURTURING hands and FIERCE protection
they PROVIDE is matchless, TRUE
LASSIES; we’re just glad it’s YOU
NOW perhaps the lasses’ greatest FACET:
a delightsome, fine and splendid ASSET
The LASSES provide wealth BEYOND measure
GIFTS not measured in jewels or TREASURE
Now, HOW to describe it and not to seem RUDE?
Oh I’ll just say it: WE LOVE YOUR FOOD!
Our stomachs aren’t the ONLY place they TOUCH
In FACT, there’s NOTHING we like as MUCH
The lassie’s CARESS leaves us SO bewitched
that SCARCELY we notice, (until we’re HITCHED)
that there ARE a few MINOR QUIRKS
but we’d RATHER NOT be seen as JERKS
So, IF there ARE some faults to SEE
we’re SURE they’re OURS; and THUSLY we
will PASS them off; and REMAIN in THRALL
to our AGELESS BEAUTIES, ONE and ALL
Gentlemen, please rise… TO THE LASSIES!
-Dan Hill
Utah Scottish Association & Utah State University
2009 Robert Burns Supper
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